Summer Missions Reflections

Give me your eyes so I can see....

by AiTam Duong- Team 2011

"I hate this place. Once I find a way to get outta here, I'll never come back."

That was my thought of Vietnam up to age 16, even though I was born and brought up in a Christian family. It started with a type of suffocating hatred burning inside of me whenever I witnessed or experienced the unfairness of that society. I soon learned that no matter how hard I try, I wouldn’t get anywhere being who I was.. There seemed to be no place for me to breathe. I had no future. As I grew up, the feeling got stronger and stronger, until all I could think of was to get out of my country.

I remember praying night after night: "God, please get me out of here. Now!! Before it's too late! I don’t belong here… If You could just get me out of here, I’ll make sure I never come back…”

My first chance to be anywhere outside the borders of Vietnam was when I attended a Youth Conference held in Singapore. Young believers all over Southeast Asia gathered to celebrate God’s work in the midst of us. I intended to take advantage of my short days of freedom to show the whole world my hatred towards my country. At the opening ceremony of the conference, the names of different countries from Southeast Asia were called one by one, so everyone could pray for each country. So here I went, praying for Malaysia, Thailand, Laos, etc.... Everyone prayed and prayed. Then Vietnam was called. For some reason, all I could do was staring at the word "VIETNAM" up on the screen. I was choked up by the sight of that name. Right at that moment, I knew God captured my heart. Everything in me shattered. All of a sudden, all these political views and things didn’t matter anymore. That simple and "ugly" name "VIETNAM" was everything I was. For the first time, I felt it deep in my bones that I was a Vietnamese. The blood that was running in my veins was the blood of a Vietnamese. I realized it wasn’t a mistake that God allowed me to be a Vietnamese.

After the conference, I came back home. Nothing really changed about the unfairness I had to live with, but it surprised me that the hatred in me was no longer there. Instead, my heart went out for the people of Vietnam, who did not have God by their side through the sufferings. At the end of 2006, God finally brought me to the US, out of Vietnam, but with a totally different mindset. Frankly, I'm living here, with a desire to be back once I'm done with my studying.  

I thank God for the GSMDM, because even though I have no medical knowledge that could possibly make any difference, I could still contribute. I believe God is cutting short His time in my generation. 40 years of Moses may not be as long for us. I pray that God gives me His eyes to see people not as an annoying crowd, but as individuals who desperately needs Love. And I also pray for the eyes of faith, that although I'm unable, "nothing is impossible with God" Luke 1:37.